How to Truly Measure Success & Avoid the Comparison Trap

We’ve all been told that in order to be successful and hit the highest peak, you must have SMART goals and take action. The rest, they say, will come and take care of itself.

But haven’t you noticed that even after meeting a goal, you still feel like you have to accomplish more or set out new “improved goals” to feel like you have actually done something of worth?

Because I have. I have set goals for Financial Divas and even though I met them I felt like they were not enough. Or if I set a goal and I fail or don’t hit my expectations, I then start getting mad because I “failed.”

This my friend is what Dan Sullivan, author of The Gap & The Gain, calls the Gap.

The gap is when you set out a goal (which may I add is very presumptive and idealistic in nature in the first place- and based on the future rather than the now), and then you feel unhappy because you did not meet it or it didn’t come out as you intended.

Many entrepreneurs (and actually everyone) feel unhappy because of this gap and most often want to give up.

But there is a better way.

There is a better way and it’s all in the way we measure our progress. It’s in the questions that we ask ourselves to see what we have accomplished and what we have not.

And in today’s episode, we will learn the questions that we should ask about what

Listen in so that you can learn the questions to ask and the steps in how to really gauge your success so that you can finally feel accomplished and happy!

Audio Transcription:

Welcome back to Questions to Ask podcast. I am your host Clara Jamieson. And in today's episode, we're going to talk about how to really gauge your success. I think a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of people tend to have something called the comparison syndrome. And unfortunately, the comparison syndrome is not allowing us to truly measure our success and we all do it.

It's not that one person does it more than the other. We all fall into that and it is easier to say, well, don't compare yourself and don't look to the sides and just stick to your lane. But it's another thing to actually act upon it. So in today's episode, we are going to explore the questions that you should really be asking yourself to see if you.

Are really appropriately measuring your success. And if you should really be comparing yourself, let's go. I believe a question is one of the most powerful things you can experience that can help you expand, move forward. Reflect and grow here at Questions to Ask Podcast, we love to ask questions that will help you understand know, learn and act upon.

Welcome.

So I watched this amazing, amazing video by Dan Sullivan and it's called the gap and the game. And the concept is, is that there is a gap between the definition of success. And what you actually gain in reality, success is not necessarily about the end result, although that is important. It is more about the gain through the process.

And let me explain what I mean by that. So usually we start off with a goal and if we're lucky enough, we set out our goal. So that way is very specific. It's measurable, it's actionable is responsive and very timely. Right. We know exactly where we are. We visualize it. Everything looks amazing. We know what we are going to do next, but.

As you start off, everything looks good. You start, and you're doing your goal and you're setting up in your checking, everything off, and then midway through, you're hitting a slump and you're like, why am I doing this? Why is this not working? Why is this taking so long? And why is it so hard? And when you start thinking about what you have not done, and then you look back and you're start thinking about the things you haven't crossed off, you then start to believe you haven't accomplished anything.

And then you start to question yourself, am I doing it right? I must be missing something. I my really did I plan it correctly? Something is off. So then you start looking for answers that are way out of your realm and that's when you start comparing yourself to other people. The beauty of it, or the unfortunate thing about comparing ourselves is that then we lose exactly what we have gained from the actions we've taken to meet that goal.

And it's needless to say, if we met it or not, it's just the fact that we actually took the action to meet and to go after that goal and those actions, whether they're one, two or three or all of them, regardless of what it is that is what's going to set you apart to be successful or not. That is, what's going to tell you if you were successful or not, because.

If something is not measured, how will you ever know if you actually did something great? How will you ever know if you actually were able to meet and you can actually quantify that success? Because a goal in all actuality is a focus. It is there to focus you, to get you to where you need to go to give you a vision of where you want to go.

But there's many things that play into it. For instance. When we create these goals, we're very idealistic. We think that everything is going to work out. You know, we know that if, as long as I work hard and I put all the energy into it and I stayed late, um, and I stay old and I work late and I do all these extra steps that then the goal is going to just miraculously happen.

But the thing is. Is that you have to realize that we don't live in a perfect world. We're not perfect either. And things will come to our way and to our surroundings and our environment that will actually deter us, meeting our goal. And we have to be mindful of that. So when you're looking at how to measure your success, the best thing to do is to actually look at what you've gained so far.

What have you gained from the actions that you've taken to meet this X goal and have excelled on or not excelled on to where you were at 30 days ago or a year ago or two days ago or even one day or an hour ago? Right? Because sometimes. Even before we start a goal, we tend to start to feed ourselves by all the things that we tell ourselves, you can't do it.

You're not good enough. Who are you kidding? All these things. And in reality, not true. And when you start looking at this success through the game and in that mind frame, and when you start looking in that mind frame, Then you start to gain momentum again, because now you are excited about, Oh my God. Look at.

What I've been able to accomplish, which I did not do before. So therefore I must be doing something right. I must be working at it. And let's say these actions that you take are not giving you the results that you want. Great. So now you have looked at it and you're like, but now I'm much wiser about it.

Now I know I don't need to take those steps and those steps are, are so unnecessary for me to move forward and actually make an impact towards my goal. And I think that that's one of the things that we tend to forget. And the beauty of that is that when you understand that everything you're doing, especially as an entrepreneur, as a coach, as a person, as a careerist, as whatever you define yourself, that it's a true experiment and that you measure things to see exactly what point a to point B B is then.

You are trying to see exactly what has worked, what has not worked and what makes sense for you. And then you could iterate. And become a better version of you or a better version of that goal or their version or whatever. Like, that's one of the things that I love about tech companies back in the days, but they used to do way back in the days before you start a company, you had to start off with a business plan, then you had to have everything correctly.

Then you have to put. You know, all the, the funds together, then you ha it was a process and it was a lengthy long process in which, by the time that you actually open up the doors, most likely you were already bankrupt. The beauty about tech companies when they all started about in 2000, when the.com started.

But they were doing where we're saying, well, I don't know all the details. I don't know everything, but I will learn along the way. And it was young entrepreneurs that didn't know anything about entrepreneurship. They just basically said, listen, I want to make something out of this internet. I want to make something out of.

What is happening right now, and I want to monetize it. I know that I can monetize it. So they went ahead and they opened up all these dot comes. And these businesses and mind you, these businesses were basically, you could say landing page and it was already a business. And along the way, they were learning about what worked, what peaked people's interest, what people were willing to pay, what people weren't willing to pay, what really, what formula really worked for their business and not.

And then as they iterated the best companies then stayed afloat and they became successful. I like Google, Apple, Ella. I mean, you can name a lot of them. So it's one of those things that when we look at it from the perspective and the mindset of the game and the iteration, then automatically you understand that you are working progress.

And that the process is more important than the end goal. The end goal is just supposed to give you a visual focus as to where you want to end up, but along the way it may change. And there might be a better focus and better visual, a better situation that you need to accommodate in order for you to be successful.

And the beauty, when we do that automatically. We stop guessing second guessing ourselves. We stop asking questions about, am I doing this right or not? We stop comparing ourselves. So no longer do we go somewhere. Let's say Instagram. And we look at it and start comparing and questioning ourselves and then our actions and our expertise.

And then, and then all of a sudden is like, Oh, well wait a minute. Oh my God. What are they doing? How are they doing it? Why are they doing it that way? I'm not doing it that way. Maybe that's not the right way that I should be doing it. And then they get all these answers that are not going to be beneficial for their business.

Let me just say that they're going to get all these actions or all these things and all this market research that is not good, beneficial to their business or tour business. And it's so exhausting that at the end of the day, if we just look XXS and measure it, Literally measure it with them, gain mindset, then automatically all that goes away.

All of it goes away. Now me saying to you don't compare yourself and then only focus on the gain, which is what we should do. And the process is easier said than done. So. Before you start comparing yourself. Here are some of the questions that you should really ask yourself before you go into the rabbit hole.

Number one, you look at your goal, look at what you've done, and you look at exactly what you've been able to accomplish, whether it's bad or good. It doesn't matter. And ask yourself, have I not learned anything from this? You could call it a failure. You would call it these steps, whatever you want to call.

This is fine. But ask yourself, have I not learned anything from this that will automatically open up gratitude. It would automatically open up the understanding that, Hey, I did learn something from this. This was successful because now I know what not to do. That will open up a lot of blockages that we may have based on what we're seeing.

And that may actually allow us to understand that maybe the goal that we set in place was not the right incorrect goal that we should have been placing question number two, am I ready to deliver and meet this goal? Let me say that again. Am I ready to deliver and meet this goal? I think many times as entrepreneurs and I'm, I'm raising my hand for this one is that we forget.

That's sometimes we beat out these goals and they're lofty goals because we see it out in the hemisphere and in Instagram and in Clubhouse and in so many different social media platforms as to, Oh, I met, I, I raised a million dollars in six months or, Oh, I did this within three months and then we automatically think that that's reality and a reality when you start peeling the onion.

That may be an entrepreneur that a, their environment is completely different from yours or Vermont from ours, B they may not have the same circumstances as we do. They may be in a different location, meaning literally geographically, maybe somewhere else where it's like that, where they can say those things.

Right. And they don't have a cost of living. That is crazy. So we really have to understand. To really gauge, am I really ready to deliver, meet this goal? Because sometimes we don't, we're not ready. We're not ready to deliver this goal. And that's okay. Question number three. Do I have the skills or experience to meet the goal?

Right? Do I have the skills or experiences as we're going through the process of meeting the goal? Whatever the goal may be. It may come to light that you may not have the skill or the experience. And that is okay because now you know that this is the skill you need, or this is the experience that you need in order for you to actually meet that goal.

So you could put that goal on the side for now, and then just focus on that skill or experience that you need. For a limited amount of time, you learn it, you do it, you go and actually become efficient in it. And then you pick up that gold again because that's the other thing that I feel most people forget a goal is flexible.

We are not. Flexible, but Cole is very flexible. We're the ones who determine our goals. We're the ones who actually say, this is what I want to do. And we could put them on the shelf. We could put, take them back out. We could do whatever we want with them. And we have to be mindful of that. And remember that a goal is flexible.

It is flexible. Okay. Question number four. Have I done everything? And I mean, And funny thing is, Everything… E V E R Y T H I N G. I hope I spelled it correctly. Have we done everything needed to make this goal happen? Sometimes guys, let's be realistic here. Let's be realistic and honest with ourselves sometimes. We think we've done it all and we've done everything in our power to actually make this go happen.

And it falls through the cracks or it doesn't happen. It doesn't actually become quote-unquote a festival or we don't meet it. And all of a sudden we're like, Oh, but I did everything. But they, you really did. You really. Do everything you need to do, maybe you miss a step or two. Maybe you, you, you actually, um, didn't do what you were supposed to do in the sequence that you were supposed to do it.

Right? So we have to be mindful of that and understand that there are times that we may think we're doing everything, but we're not actually doing everything, which is where. The measuring part comes in, right? That's where the measuring the gain. So now, you know, this information now the gain is, is that I know I haven't done everything.

So what are the steps of what are the sections or what is it that I missed in order for me to meet this goal and to be successful at this school or at this opportunity or at this career? And I'm using goal just so you understand interchangeably, but you could really open it up to anything.

It doesn't necessarily have to be a goal. I'm just making it for, you know, for simplicity, simplistic, um, reasons to simplify everything. But in reality, is you could ask these questions. About everything about your career, about your business, about, you know, the goal, like I said, about what you're doing currently, um, about your habits, you could ask these questions before you start comparing yourself and you start thinking and you going to this rabbit hole, I'm a failure.

Look at it from the gains perspective and then ask these questions. And I'm telling you right now, you will stop the comparison syndrome and you will also feel like you were successful and it will show you that you were successful because a, you are a different version of yourself from what you were yesterday to what you are now.

So with that being said, I hope you guys have an amazing, amazing day. Enjoy, enjoy, and remember to focus on the game. From point a to point B, not the gap. See ya.